Where did I put my Crystal Ball, E-Trade?

I opened up an account with E-Trade a few weeks back.  The site said I'd hear back within a day.

A week later, I get a message that there was a problem and it asked me to call a phone number. The voice mail system kept asking for an account number (I don't have one yet) and giving me all sorts of options that were irrelevant, but I managed to get through to customer service.

I was told I needed to provide identification, including Social Security Card and Driver's License.

Why didn't they ask when I applied?
Why didn't they tell me that was the problem?  (Just where IS my crystal ball?)

I ask if I can email them.  "No"  I have to use their online system. I went online, scanned my documents and uploaded them.  I "proofed" them online.  They were clear.

Two weeks go by.  I heard nothing.

I called to find out what the delay was.  I'm told one document was unclear.  (It's clear and sent in the highest resolution....I'm looking at the file now.)  But ok.

Why didn't you contact me and tell me?  No Answer.  (Damn, I keep forgetting to check my crystal ball).

But you can email it.  (Uh, two weeks ago I couldn't.)  I was told to take a picture with my phone, email it to his boss with instructions to forward it to him.  He says it can be opened as soon as they get it.  I email it.  Two days go by and I heard nothing.  By the way, I sent a copy of this blog to the manager thinking he might be interested in what the experience was like.  Never heard from him.

Two days later, I call again.  I'm told my account was open.

Why didn't you notify me?  He responded that they posted a message in my secure mailbox at ETrade.  Every other system that uses internal mail for security at least sends me a notification that I've got mail.

I asked why I didn't get notified.  He said they don't do that.  They think that if I have a problem I need to keep following up on it to see if it's resolved.

Do you believe that?

What if there are security issues with my account?  What if my stocks take a nose dive?  Will they tell me?

Now I've been holding onto two checks that I've wanted to deposit.  I log on.  I see I can mail them and it will take 5-8 days.  I can also upload them electronically, but ONLY from my phone.  (Gosh, I guess I should have studied harder in E-Trade customer school to know how to do business with them.)

If I can send it through my phone, why not my computer?  I've been doing that for years with different banks.

So, I download their software on my phone.  It asks if I want to get push messages from them?  (What would these messages be if they don't tell me about account problems?  Just ads?

I get logged in and set it up.  I click on the option to send a check electronically.  It tells me I can only do that after 90 days.

I can now electronically send these to my account, then set up a transfer to send it to them, asssuming they allow me to do that.

If I were asking for technical support or research or they owed me money, I could see them pushing me off to the side.  (Though that would be wrong.)  But I'm trying to open an account and put MY money into it.  They spend millions advertising to get people to do that.  So why is this SO difficult?  Why force me to jump through hoops?

It seems that they don't care about communicating or setting up new accounts.   Makes me wonder what will happen if there is a mistake.